Thursday, 28 February 2013

Leaving the nest

Finally made it back home. The terrors I have seen. Everything has changed now. Everything.

A week without any food deliveries had left my cupboards bare. I decided I was recovered enough to go shopping. I just had no idea... I thought I would try the local shop first. Roads were deserted. Nobody about at all. There was the smell of smoke in the air, I assumed from the black pillar of ash that was where Manchester city center lay. Sometimes there were screams and shouts in the distance.

I ached for someone to talk to. I had hopes of bumping into a neighbour on the way, or seeing someone in their garden or taking a dog for a walk. There was just nobody about. When I reached the convenience store, it was shut. What's more, it looked empty too. Totally cleaned out. That's when I saw someone else. Just a movement reflected in the window. I turned and waved, hoping I might recognize them. It was a man, nobody I knew though. He started running towards me. I just stood there, waiting, assuming he was in a rush to talk with me. In hindsight I feel so foolish.
 
Almost upon me and showing no signs of slowing, the man tripped and flew head first into the kerb. The crunch was sickening. I must have been in shock as I just stood there staring. That probably saved my life. With half his skull caved in, the man started to rise. His mouth opened and closed spasmodically, teeth and blood spilling out. I thought the poor bastard was in shock not to be screaming his head off. Having risen to his feet, he took an unsteady step towards me. Then came the scream. I will never forget that liquid sound straight from hell.
 
Both arms came up, reaching for me, and the man tried to run again. Too stunned by the curdling scream, I did nothing as he stumbled again, this time his brains spilling onto the pavement as his head crashed to the ground. I vomited hard. One final indignity for the dead man at my feet. My strength gave for a moment and I was on my knees, retching inches from his ruined face. The man's body jerked and I fled.
 
I desperately wanted to find someone. The police station was miles away, the phones did not work, and my strength had already abandoned me after running from the dying man. Stealing a bicycle, I rode in what I remembered was the direction of the police station.
 
My street had clearly been spared the excesses of what local violence had flared in support of the inner city rioting. Either side of this road, houses had boarded up windows and doors. Sometimes houses had smashed windows and wide open doors. A couple were on fire.
 
As I rode further, people would come out of their houses. Some would just look at me, a few began to run after me. I was always far enough ahead of them that I was never in any danger. And then I turned the corner and in the road leading up to the police station there was a crowd of people. They were all across the road. I had no chance to ride through or around them, so I had to stop. Almost as one, they turned towards me. A glance was all I needed to see they were not right. Whatever madness had possessed the first man I saw today, it gripped these people too. With the people still following me on foot, I was trapped.
 
I never heard it and it's timing was a miracle. A car drove straight into the crowd I had turned from. Perhaps I should have tried to help the occupants. The windscreen was broken, and a woman was hanging halfway out, blood streaming down her body. A man, still holding onto the steering wheel, was shouting. The crowd swarmed the car and the occupants vanished.
 
I rode as fast as my legs could pump. The few people in front of me had their attention split between the frenzy over the car crash and a lone cyclist. The frenzy won. I had the occupants of the car to thank twice now. My guilt would wait until later to emerge.
 
Panic made me careless. Looking for stragglers instead of concentrating on turning a corner, I took the bike straight into a ditch. I lay panting in inches of stagnant water. A few feet away was a mud and slime covered tarpaulin. My foot caught the edge and I managed to pull it over my body without moving above the sides of the ditch. I could hear footsteps and other, cruder noises not far from where I lay. I lay motionless and, exhausted, fell asleep.
 
After a day of hiding beneath the tarpaulin, I tried to walk back in the dark. I avoided the places where the street lights still worked. I felt weak both from hunger and from fear. The relief at recognizing my own road was energizing. I felt compelled to run despite the risk of attracting attention. Sliding my key into my door, I was almost crying with happiness. And once inside, I simply collapsed behind the door and sobbed myself asleep.
 
I dreamed. Clawed hands sought me from the darkness. Everywhere I went, hands burst forth to tear at me and pull me apart.
 
Now I write. My diary has become a lifeline for my sanity in the absence of somebody to talk to. The smoke from the center is spreading. Nobody is doing anything to stop this. I don't even know what 'this' is. I have no food. The electricity is off. My phone is dead.

What do I do now?

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